The Dreaded First Day in January

The "Sunday Scaries", but Make it Annual

For the last six years, I’ve had a strange relationship with January.

After leaving my last corporate role in 2019, I was never full-time employed or fully contracted at the end of the year. No company waiting for me. No inbox lighting up on January 2nd. No internal pressure to switch my status from “out” to “back.”

I was usually working on my own business, building products, writing, planning launches. There was effort involved, but it was self-directed. No one was counting on me in the traditional sense, and that made the end of the year feel essentially the same as the rest of the year, it was just colder.

I’d still take time off. Christmas, New Year’s Eve, time with family and friends. But there was no looming return date, no psychological whiplash. I didn’t realize how rare that had become.

This year was different.

For the first time in a long time, I was working full-time with one consulting opportunity, part-time with another, while also preparing for an updated business launch.

Both consulting engagements wrapped between December 15th and December 20th, which meant I suddenly had nearly three weeks with very little expectation, very little checking in, and no one waiting on me. I even made the decision to remove a very aggressive product goal I had set for myself during the end of 2025.

And only then did I realize how much I’d missed having something to step away from.

No emails to monitor. No new clients onboarded. No job seeker intake. No sense that someone, somewhere, needed me to move faster. I reconnected with my home, my family, my friends in a way that felt unfamiliar, almost indulgent. Not because I hadn’t wanted that before, but because I hadn’t given it to myself, I was floating on cloud 9, blissfully losing track of time between December 27 and January 3 and simply enjoying life.

Then Sunday came.

That deep, familiar dread I hadn’t felt in years showed up right on time. The kind that doesn’t scream, just hums under your skin. I had to gone to bed in casual relaxation at about 4am, and woke up with a very unfamiliar sensation at 2pm.

Dread.

Deep sustaining dread. Even after showering, running a few quick errands and eating, the dread only got worse. God I had forgotten this terrible feeling and anxiety. I eventually began opening my email. I looked at project plans. And instead of motivation, all I felt was the weight of “I didn’t do anything over the break.”

I felt that deep rooted sadness that I think marks the end of every year. The pure freedom from responsibility, the routines and rituals and generally festive joy from Thanksgiving onward, and all you start with is the essential sad dourness of January. The lights and decorations pulled down, presents long opened and forgotten for the first time in more than 6 years.

By Monday morning, I was anxious, restless, and fully aware that the holiday buffer was gone. Like so many people, I felt miserable returning to work.

But instead of forcing myself back into motion, I did something I haven’t done in January for a very long time. I chose myself deliberately.

I still did the work. Over the last 2 days, deadlines were met. Progress was made. But I refused to immediately collapse back into the cycle of reacting, scheduling, pushing, and pretending momentum equals clarity. I carved out four hours one night and three hours the next day with no agenda except reflection.

I asked myself questions that anxiety usually drowns out.

Am I actually happy in this consulting role? What about the other one? What mistakes did I make in my last launch, and what did I avoid admitting? What worked better than I expected? How much am I earning right now? How much do I want to earn? What resources could I invest in that have a real return, not just emotional reassurance?

What surprised me most was how energizing it felt.

The anxiety didn’t disappear, but it stopped running the show. Instead of turning into panic or avoidance, it became focus. Instead of rushing to “get back on track,” I used that unsettled feeling as fuel to design the track intentionally.

January doesn’t have to be about snapping back into productivity or proving you’re “on” again. It can be about orientation. About asking whether the direction you’re moving in still makes sense now that the noise has quieted.

If you’re feeling that familiar post-holiday dread right now, here’s what I’d encourage you to try: before you sprint, pause long enough to choose yourself on purpose. Even a few hours of honest reflection can change the entire trajectory of your year.

If you are having trouble, start with these questions!

• If you took one evening this week to prioritize clarity over urgency, what would you ask yourself first?
• January is loud about goals. What’s one question you’ve been avoiding that deserves space right now?
• Before the year fully accelerates, what would choosing you actually look like?

~DanFromHR